Silver Boxes

In one of my education courses, Survey of Exceptionalities, my professor decided to play a recording of this speaker who was talking about our words, meaning what we say in our everyday lives. She was saying that anything we say or don't say can either tear down or bring up people. The tongue is a powerful weapon. She was telling stories of the people in her life that told her of their ambitions and how that some people's words brought them to compromise and settle for less.
Anyway, the recording made me think a lot about my own life and my own ambitions and how I don't want to be old and look back upon my life and wish I followed my dreams. Since I was fourteen I know I always wanted to be a missionary, I wanted to go and serve those less fortunate and glorify God. But my parents always kind of discouraged me and said that it's not a reliable job and I should do something that will financially support me. If I had been encouraged and had been given silver boxes (presents of encouragement) maybe I'll be pursuing mission work in my college career rather than teaching. I know teaching will help me in a way for mission work, but I guess I'm afraid that maybe I'll feel too comfortable or that I'll be too afraid to go out and do mission work and do teaching instead. God has always put Africa and opening an orphanage there, but how would I be financed or what if no one cares. I know I should totally keep this up to God because He is faithful, but it just scares me. And I've always had an aspiration to write. Like I know I'm writing in this blog, but I mean that I want to be published or my writing to mean something. I know my blogs help in someway you guys that are reading this, but I guess I want bigger impact. I don't know, I have too many thoughts running through my head so hopefully I'll be able to figure out something, I guess right now I just have to take it one step at a time and hear God's voice. Anyway, you don't have to answer to me, but what are your aspirations and what has God placed in your heart to do for Him? Are you on that path or are you staying in that comfort zone? I'm outs

Getting used to change

I just noticed that I keep putting year 2008 when its 2009. I think habits come and when we don’t need it anymore its hard to break, we need to keep reminding ourselves that things have changed. I sometimes forget that life changes and I need to remind myself over and over that things will never be able to go back. I remember going to Guatemala on a mission trip for the second time and thinking that everything will be the same, but life moves on even if your not there.
I was also reading through Isaiah and I finally finished the book today. There are so many different things going on in Isaiah, but I wish it kept going. In Isaiah 63 Isaiah questions God, He asks God why He has hardened their hearts, but God didn’t. Last semester I felt that God was hardening my heart and I was angry with God, I was angry with His will. But as Isaiah goes on, the things that were on the mind of the people were earthly things not heavenly things. In Isaiah 66 labor is being explained as a process. One doesn’t decide to just have a baby at that moment it takes time, it’s a process. And I forget that though things might happen, change might happen, I need to have my heart focused on God. This new life that I have in God is a process and I was reminded that growing in Christ is a process. I have to stop getting frustrated at myself for not being perfect and pick up my cross and follow God daily until I finish that race and receive the crown that will be bestowed upon my brow on the day I see my LORD. I’m outs.

New year blog

School starts tomorrow!!! I am extremely excited. Yeah I know what you're thinking, total geek! Well wutevs, I'd rather be studying and learning new things rather than doing nothing beneficial. Well pray that I have a good semester and that I manage my time wisely with school, work, friends, and now a new boyfriend. Oh man too much to handle, lol. Anyway, I hope to be writing more this semester, last semester was a very emotional time and I hope it didn't bore you. I am a Developer, meaning I like to Develop people, so if your a Christian this blog is for you. I usually go into the word where the Holy spirit usually leads me and write it down. Well what God has been putting on my heart is sin, I am not judging or pointing the finger at anyone. We all have some sin issue and it's nice to know that your not the only weird person out there. I use this blog to glorify God so this blog is not my doing, but totally God's. Anyway, I will leave you with a passage of the Bible.
Isaiah 50:10-11 "Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God." I'm outs.

New Year's Resolutions

Even if you don't write up a list, you know that every year you wind up wanting to change something or do something different. Like every year I embrace the new year hoping and searching for something different. I hope that change will come and if the change I wanted doesn't come then I search for it earnestly. Last night I was trying to figure out what I want different in my life. Well first off I would really like a 1. change in my spiritual walk. I don't mean read the bible everyday or read the bible in a year, but a change that will make me love God more in such a new way. Second, like every other person in the US a 2. change in my physical appearance. No I don't mean getting muscles, but being healthier by dieting correctly and exercising. I don't do enough exercise and my diet is pretty good, but it could be better. Third, I want to be 3. more available. I feel like I'm not available especially to my family. Fourth, of course I would like to do 4. better at school, get better grades. And fifth, be 5. more forgiving. That could go under spiritual walk, but even people who don't believe in God can forgive, and I've been horrible at forgiving and forgetting, especially the forgetting part. I can't even forgive myself for some things, but I know I must move on. Anyway, embrace change, even the bad because it molds us. I'm outs.

Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009

I don't mean to offend anyone in this blog, please just be open to what I have to say. I know random people read this blog and even my friends, but if you started reading this please finish. Today is the last day of the year and I know plenty of us have had a lot of regrets, a lot of memories, and some of you did a lot of growing up. I have some regrets, if you've been reading my blogs you can certainly tell that there is something wrong, but I've done a lot of growing up in the process. Tomorrow will be a new day, a new year, and I know some of you are looking forward to change. Obama certainly has told us that change is here, and though I didn't vote for him, he's right. But what Obama doesn't understand is that change has always been happening.
Well the reason I wanted to write this blog is because I wanted to share something that I think some people can agree with me. I've been raised in the church all my life and then I became a Christian at 14, but I think the most beautiful thing I've ever seen is when a man is completely surrendered to God. I remember a few months ago I went to church and the pastor asked anyone that wanted to come forward to accept Christ. I saw an old man come forward and I couldn't help but cry. I don't why I cried, I've never met the man before and I don't think I ever will again. I think what made me sad is that he was old. He wasted his entire youth on things of the flesh and now is when he'll be starting to live his life for Christ.
I want to encourage anyone to make this resolution if you haven't done so, live without regrets. If you haven't surrendered, if you haven't given, if you haven't promised to God that you will live your life for Him you should. Look I'm not an emotional girl. I don't like to cry or have emotions, I live by my reason and if it doesn't make sense then I don't like to do it at all. I swore to live my life for God because to tell you the truth it doesn't make any sense to live for myself because I will die one day.
Everyone needs a Savior, even in the movie Superman Returns, they recognize that we all need someone. If you can tell me that you have never cried out for someone to help you then please respond to this and tell me that. When I became a Christian at 14 it wasn't because someone told me about God, I knew about God. For some reason God revealed Himself to me and literally saved my life because I wanted to end my life. I can give you passages upon passages and stories upon stories about why you should become a Christian, but I'm not going to because the passages and the stories are not the things that save people, it's you recognizing that you need help and the only person that is going to save you is God. Being a Christian doesn't mean that your parents are not going to get divorced or your kids won't stop rebelling, but it means that those things will be used for God's glory instead of just being another statistic. And though I don't know who is going to read this, just know that I love you and if this makes me look like a fool I don't care, but I'd look like a fool to help anyone out. There is so much more I want to write, but this is long enough. If you have any more questions, just comment me or if you don't want to share your question with the rest of the world you can email me at stephanie-sousa@hotmail.com. Anyway, have a Happy New Year and God Bless. I'm outs.

Coming Home

There is always a good and bad when coming back home after a long time. The good part of coming back home is the feeling of being accepted because these are the people I grew up with. I remember all the good old times and meet with good old friends and it feels like nothing has changed. The bad part about coming home is that some of the bad habits that I threw away come back. I get back into the habit of my old ways and I start to hate it, I start to hate coming back home, and I start to grow more apart from my friends that I grew up with. It's quite a dilemma. Any thoughts? I'm outs

Stupid Grammar

So I'm a HORRIBLE writer!!! I think I have good topics and such, but my grammar and way of writing just sucks!! As I write this blog, I'm afraid that I might have a million grammar issues already. Most of my professor's have commented on my writing, they all say I'm smart, but my grammar is just appalling. I have to do something about this. How am I supposed to be an amazing history major but have crappy writing? I can't wait to take my Writing about Literature next semester, I will have the most amazing English professor, Dr. Elmore, and I really hope that she can help me. I will totally go to tutoring or another class just to be better. It really hurts my grades especially in my honors classes and history classes. Anyway, I just want to ask you guys, my faithful readers, to correct my grammar in these blogs! I am disgusted and I am incredibly sad that I had no idea my grammar was bad. And to give some moral to this story, sometimes when were surrounded by the same people we won't notice our mistakes, but as we branch out to unknown territories like college, our mistakes are noticed and we just need to hope that someone will tell us our mistakes so we can correct them or learn from them. I'm outs.