Missions

So I'm writing a ten page paper, but I thought I should take a break and write something that came to mind. Well I'm writing a paper on Native American values and how they are similar to Christian values. I found a lot of good stuff, anyway I'm reading on the history of missionaries coming from Europe to the New World and its funny how the Indians embraced the new religion and some Indians embraced it so well that they wanted to become priests for their own people. Instead of concentrating more on the Indians I concentrated more on the missionaries work and I realized that some missionaries make their mission place their home. God told us that we should go to the ends of the earth to preach the Good News, but the end of the world has been reached (except for some tribes in the Amazon that have probably not been found yet). I'm realizing more and more that the ends of the earth for me is right here, where I am right now, in my city. This is my home, this is my mission field, I don't need to go to another country or wutevs because sooner or later it will also become my home.
Side note, God told us we should not be like the world, meaning that this earth is not my home, so doesn't that mean that the ends of the earth is everywhere I go to?
Sorry this might sound all like a blabber so if it does don't be afraid to ask me what I mean because I know I don't make sense at times.
I'm outs.

Being a Christian

When I took public speaking my first semester in college we had to go up and read an excerpt or story to the class as a speaker should. Well one student went up and read the poem that I posted below. It is written by Carol Wimmer. I really like the poem, except for one thing it says in the poem, but its pretty to the point.
A lot of times people believe I'm perfect and that I am ignorant of the world around me. Just because I am a Christian does not mean that I'm optimistic and that I push Jesus down people's throats. I have suffered the pain of divorce, a family member doing drugs, my own depression, bickering that I have nothing to do with but in which I'm in the middle of it, poverty, and the list can go on. I'm not perfect. When I first became a Christian I gave my life to Christ because I could not deal with it anymore. I was on the brink of suicide and then God told me He had plans for me and all I needed to do was trust Him. My depression went away for awhile, it was so liberating. Of course, I still suffer from depression from time to time, but it is not to an extent where I lose hope, I always get right back up. So for those who think my life is perfect, its not. And for those who don't like me because of one thing or other, I'm sorry for any wrong I have done to you, I'm only human and so are you. I don't do anything to not be liked, plus if you don't like me then you don't know me at all because if you did, then you would know that God loves me and that God commands us to love each other like God loves us. Anyway, give me some of your thoughts on the poem. Do you like it or don't like it? I'm outs

When I say "I am a Christian"...

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I get lost!"
"That is why I chose this way."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need someone to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and pray for strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are too visible
but God believes I'm worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
which is why I seek His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority.
I only know I'm loved.

Leaving it all inside

I haven't written a poem in awhile. This is a different style than how I usually write, but I want to experiment. Tell me what you think.

It’s hard to breath
I keep it all inside
And that is all I feel

Scream loud
Know my thoughts
My heart is about to burst

Fake smile
Keep on going
Leave me be

I want what is inside out
I want to play
And experience this life

Us together
What were we thinking?
People are different

The mouth that
Speak sweet nothing’s in my ear
It just hurts more

Let me stay
I love you
And want only you

The World

I haven't written in awhile. I haven't felt inspired to write. Anyway, last night I was feeling depressed, it comes from time to time. I was finally alone with my thoughts for the first time in two weeks and my skepticism comes rolling around and so do my questions. I wonder about creation and God's love and sometimes I can't add it up. I believe entirely in the God who created this universe and everything in it, but sometimes I wonder why. I wonder why the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was in the garden and I wonder why God chose us out of everything else. I think what really bothers me is why God loves us. In my other posts I seem to write about God's love in one way or the other, but its something I can't break through. It seems completely illogical to love humans. I try to understand God's reasoning. I know I can't, but I want to know. I've seen movies like Transformers and Watchmen and there is a consistent theme, Humans are worth saving. Why?
Another thing that disrupt my thoughts is why even try to do anything for this world? This world will soon die and anything I contribute to it will go to waste. I guess that is why God tells us to tell people about Him because nothing else really matters. I can be the best teacher in the world, but it comes to nothing anyway. I can be the best politician, the best musician, the best photographer, but it really comes to nothing. Yeah this sounds really depressing, but its so true. The only thing we can do is smile and just live. But live for what? The only thing worth living for is for God and that is already difficult to do. I'm not saying I don't want to, but the flesh can be so strong at times.
I might be too honest right now, but I feel alone in this world. I don't know if you guys ever feel that way. You could have all the friends in the world and still feel lonely or if your like me you feel as though you have all the friends in the world, but when I go through my phone book I only have two or three people that I know I can call on. If I passed away tomorrow the world will keep going on. When Aristotle, Martin Luther, and Napoleon died, the world kept moving on. They probably contributed to the world (Napoleon did because of all the revolutions), but like I said the world will soon die and it was all for nothing. Blah... Sorry if this depresses you like it does me. I just wish I knew what my next step is going to be or what God wants me to do. I'm outs

God's presence

Lately I've been feeling a bit down. Sometimes depression takes grip of me and I wish I was someone else, somewhere else, or whatever else. This began last week after I stopped feeling God's presence. I thought I did something wrong or was doing something wrong and I got angry and usually my anger brings depression. I met with my RD (my boss you can say) and she was totally used by God. She told me that sometimes there are periods in our lives that God removes the feeling of His presence so that we can grow and be mature in Him. I thought I was doing something wrong. I thought God wasn't proud in what I was doing.
I used to struggle with perfection, not so much anymore. I always tried to make my Mom proud, but I always felt it wasn't good enough for my Mom. All I want to do is make God proud. I don't think I do good works so I can get to heaven because I already know I'm going there, but I just want to make God proud of me, of my life, and that I used it for Him. When I was with Michael it wasn't glorifying God and God told me so and so after a few months of reluctance I gave him up. I'm a bit more relieved to know that God sees that I'm old enough to make me more mature in Him.
Anyway, some good news, I got rehired to be an RA (residence Assistant) again for next school year. It's really exciting because I get to RA the honors building and plus the girls on my staff look wicked awesome! And I think I'm running for president of the student body, yup now its out there. I really think I'm going to do it. I have a vision and with some hard work on my part I think SG will go places. Here's for hoping. Please pray for me and for next year, and this semester too. It's a bit overwhelming with first screening (getting my teaching certificate) and some new things in my life. I'm outs

Depression = selfishness?

I have a sincere question that I would really like people to answer to. Can being depressed also mean your selfish? I'm reading a book The Awakening and I was discussing it in class, but I just wanted to have a bit more insight to what you guys think. It can be a Christian view or a secular view, any view would be fine. Thanks, I'm outs.

Ch. 12 The Royal Road of the Holy Cross - Thomas á Kempis

Matthew 16:24 says, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”
If anyone would come after me – so what does this mean? If anyone wants to do what God wills, then that means following him. A lot of people are talk and I have to admit that I at times am part of that group. I want to follow Christ, I want to go after him, but how do I do that? There are two parts to this question. First off:
He must deny himself – Deny myself? What does that mean? That means deny everything that I want, all my desires and ambitions I must deny.
The second part is:
Take up his cross and follow me. – What cross does Jesus talk about? Do I have to die on a cross like Jesus? No he already did that for me, but again we must put away our desires and ambitions. We have to put away our fleshly desires. What does that mean to a non Christian? Putting away our fleshly desires means putting away the things that are not right and then following God’s will for our lives instead of making our own choices.
I think following him is the hardest part of going after him. Like it means that my family comes second, my boyfriend comes second, my friends come second.
There are so many things I would love to write on this blog, I would love to just pour my heart out, but there is a time for everything and God has not told me to share just yet. So what I want to share is that following Jesus is not something simple. Following God includes suffering and it may not be physical suffering it may be emotional suffering. With my last boyfriend I was holding onto him so hard that when God told me I had to let go I just didn’t. When I finally did let him go I was completely angry with God because I didn’t want to let go. My heart at that time was worshipping my former boyfriend.
I gave my life to Christ at the age of fourteen, I thought I knew what I was getting myself into, but I have now realized that God wants all of me. I can’t serve Him and serve the world at the same time because they both have different objectives. All of this seems really gibberish right now for you if you haven’t experienced the suffering, but when it comes and you question your faith please remember that it’s suffering. God told us that suffering will come and maybe people will hate us. I had friends in high school that started to hate me when I quit marching band because I wanted to go on a mission trip to help people! I could not have done marching band and mission trip because it was at the same time, it was impossible to do so I had to choose between the world and eternity. We live in a messed up world and I just want to encourage you that it’s not all for nothing. I’m outs