Depression = selfishness?

I have a sincere question that I would really like people to answer to. Can being depressed also mean your selfish? I'm reading a book The Awakening and I was discussing it in class, but I just wanted to have a bit more insight to what you guys think. It can be a Christian view or a secular view, any view would be fine. Thanks, I'm outs.


Ch. 12 The Royal Road of the Holy Cross - Thomas á Kempis

Matthew 16:24 says, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”
If anyone would come after me – so what does this mean? If anyone wants to do what God wills, then that means following him. A lot of people are talk and I have to admit that I at times am part of that group. I want to follow Christ, I want to go after him, but how do I do that? There are two parts to this question. First off:
He must deny himself – Deny myself? What does that mean? That means deny everything that I want, all my desires and ambitions I must deny.
The second part is:
Take up his cross and follow me. – What cross does Jesus talk about? Do I have to die on a cross like Jesus? No he already did that for me, but again we must put away our desires and ambitions. We have to put away our fleshly desires. What does that mean to a non Christian? Putting away our fleshly desires means putting away the things that are not right and then following God’s will for our lives instead of making our own choices.
I think following him is the hardest part of going after him. Like it means that my family comes second, my boyfriend comes second, my friends come second.
There are so many things I would love to write on this blog, I would love to just pour my heart out, but there is a time for everything and God has not told me to share just yet. So what I want to share is that following Jesus is not something simple. Following God includes suffering and it may not be physical suffering it may be emotional suffering. With my last boyfriend I was holding onto him so hard that when God told me I had to let go I just didn’t. When I finally did let him go I was completely angry with God because I didn’t want to let go. My heart at that time was worshipping my former boyfriend.
I gave my life to Christ at the age of fourteen, I thought I knew what I was getting myself into, but I have now realized that God wants all of me. I can’t serve Him and serve the world at the same time because they both have different objectives. All of this seems really gibberish right now for you if you haven’t experienced the suffering, but when it comes and you question your faith please remember that it’s suffering. God told us that suffering will come and maybe people will hate us. I had friends in high school that started to hate me when I quit marching band because I wanted to go on a mission trip to help people! I could not have done marching band and mission trip because it was at the same time, it was impossible to do so I had to choose between the world and eternity. We live in a messed up world and I just want to encourage you that it’s not all for nothing. I’m outs


Silver Boxes

In one of my education courses, Survey of Exceptionalities, my professor decided to play a recording of this speaker who was talking about our words, meaning what we say in our everyday lives. She was saying that anything we say or don't say can either tear down or bring up people. The tongue is a powerful weapon. She was telling stories of the people in her life that told her of their ambitions and how that some people's words brought them to compromise and settle for less.
Anyway, the recording made me think a lot about my own life and my own ambitions and how I don't want to be old and look back upon my life and wish I followed my dreams. Since I was fourteen I know I always wanted to be a missionary, I wanted to go and serve those less fortunate and glorify God. But my parents always kind of discouraged me and said that it's not a reliable job and I should do something that will financially support me. If I had been encouraged and had been given silver boxes (presents of encouragement) maybe I'll be pursuing mission work in my college career rather than teaching. I know teaching will help me in a way for mission work, but I guess I'm afraid that maybe I'll feel too comfortable or that I'll be too afraid to go out and do mission work and do teaching instead. God has always put Africa and opening an orphanage there, but how would I be financed or what if no one cares. I know I should totally keep this up to God because He is faithful, but it just scares me. And I've always had an aspiration to write. Like I know I'm writing in this blog, but I mean that I want to be published or my writing to mean something. I know my blogs help in someway you guys that are reading this, but I guess I want bigger impact. I don't know, I have too many thoughts running through my head so hopefully I'll be able to figure out something, I guess right now I just have to take it one step at a time and hear God's voice. Anyway, you don't have to answer to me, but what are your aspirations and what has God placed in your heart to do for Him? Are you on that path or are you staying in that comfort zone? I'm outs


Getting used to change

I just noticed that I keep putting year 2008 when its 2009. I think habits come and when we don’t need it anymore its hard to break, we need to keep reminding ourselves that things have changed. I sometimes forget that life changes and I need to remind myself over and over that things will never be able to go back. I remember going to Guatemala on a mission trip for the second time and thinking that everything will be the same, but life moves on even if your not there.
I was also reading through Isaiah and I finally finished the book today. There are so many different things going on in Isaiah, but I wish it kept going. In Isaiah 63 Isaiah questions God, He asks God why He has hardened their hearts, but God didn’t. Last semester I felt that God was hardening my heart and I was angry with God, I was angry with His will. But as Isaiah goes on, the things that were on the mind of the people were earthly things not heavenly things. In Isaiah 66 labor is being explained as a process. One doesn’t decide to just have a baby at that moment it takes time, it’s a process. And I forget that though things might happen, change might happen, I need to have my heart focused on God. This new life that I have in God is a process and I was reminded that growing in Christ is a process. I have to stop getting frustrated at myself for not being perfect and pick up my cross and follow God daily until I finish that race and receive the crown that will be bestowed upon my brow on the day I see my LORD. I’m outs.


New year blog

School starts tomorrow!!! I am extremely excited. Yeah I know what you're thinking, total geek! Well wutevs, I'd rather be studying and learning new things rather than doing nothing beneficial. Well pray that I have a good semester and that I manage my time wisely with school, work, friends, and now a new boyfriend. Oh man too much to handle, lol. Anyway, I hope to be writing more this semester, last semester was a very emotional time and I hope it didn't bore you. I am a Developer, meaning I like to Develop people, so if your a Christian this blog is for you. I usually go into the word where the Holy spirit usually leads me and write it down. Well what God has been putting on my heart is sin, I am not judging or pointing the finger at anyone. We all have some sin issue and it's nice to know that your not the only weird person out there. I use this blog to glorify God so this blog is not my doing, but totally God's. Anyway, I will leave you with a passage of the Bible.
Isaiah 50:10-11 "Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God." I'm outs.


New Year's Resolutions

Even if you don't write up a list, you know that every year you wind up wanting to change something or do something different. Like every year I embrace the new year hoping and searching for something different. I hope that change will come and if the change I wanted doesn't come then I search for it earnestly. Last night I was trying to figure out what I want different in my life. Well first off I would really like a 1. change in my spiritual walk. I don't mean read the bible everyday or read the bible in a year, but a change that will make me love God more in such a new way. Second, like every other person in the US a 2. change in my physical appearance. No I don't mean getting muscles, but being healthier by dieting correctly and exercising. I don't do enough exercise and my diet is pretty good, but it could be better. Third, I want to be 3. more available. I feel like I'm not available especially to my family. Fourth, of course I would like to do 4. better at school, get better grades. And fifth, be 5. more forgiving. That could go under spiritual walk, but even people who don't believe in God can forgive, and I've been horrible at forgiving and forgetting, especially the forgetting part. I can't even forgive myself for some things, but I know I must move on. Anyway, embrace change, even the bad because it molds us. I'm outs.