I don't need it

I was contemplating life today. I wish I did more of that during college. A lot of the great minds write about the contemplative life and the active life, and I'm sure a lot of people can vogue that I have lived the active life in college. I was placed in leadership positions at school that can be (I guess) commendable. I've been nominated for things, but I never have saved the world. I just got to help one person at a time pretty much. I guess that's commendable. I guess I'm just tired of being noticed. I'm tired of receiving praise. I'm tired of being noticed. I just wanna do what God has placed me on this earth to do and just go home, my heavenly home. I don't need a prize, I don't need any praise, I don't need any recognition. Just let me do what God has placed me on this earth to do and I will be happy with that. I used to want to be recognized. I used to desire to be remembered. I lusted after power. And now, I want to be put in a hole and forgotten. Let me be in the background. Allow me to blend with the crowd. No I'm not depressed, I'm just tired for receiving the praise that God deserves. I'm not a saint, I just failed a lot and learned from my experiences... God did it all pretty much. I'm outs.


The world had stopped

The world has stopped for about an hour or two
though I expected it would keep going.
Everything is still in their place and
nothing has really changed, but
I wish it did.
I came back to my room and did
what I usually do, and for some reason
I thought it would be different.
I thought that if I did the same thing
something would have happened and
change my life completely.
But everything is still the same.
The world has stopped for about an hour or two
because I didn't change.


Day to Day faith part dos

So I love how after I read something and think about it, God loves to test me on it, and when I mean God tests me, I mean gives me opportunities to practice what I've learned. Anyway, I wrote in my last post how Abraham had day to day faith. He finally understood what it meant to have day to day faith in God after the experience he had to go through with his son. Well in high school I remember I had to make a choice between marching band and a missions trip my junior year, which ultimately meant that if I went on the missions trip I would ultimately lose my friends in school. I was pretty okay with it, God has bigger plans, but I never expected to go through a similar situation in college, at a Christian school. Of course its not the same thing, but now I understand that when you do the right thing people won't understand why and you have to daily live by faith that God will provide for you in everything, not just in my future, but in my daily activities. Well this probably makes no sense to you, my reader, so I'm outs.


Day to day faith

So I read an interesting work by Kierkegaard and he talked about Abraham's faith. In the Bible it says how is faith was great, but Kierkegaard takes it a step higher and explains what kind of faith Abraham had. His faith was a day to day faith. Anyone can have faith in future things, its called hope, but to rely on God for our day to day needs is what Abraham had faith in.
When Abraham was going to take his son to be offered as a sacrifice to the LORD, Abraham went through it without hesitation. He knew that even if Isaac was sacrificed God would provide in another way, either the promise was supposed to be through his first son Ishmael or Sarah was going to have another son. Either way, Abraham had faith in future things, but Abraham did not sacrifice his son. What exactly was going through Isaac's mind at the time? After this incident, what kind of faith did Abraham have? He had to cut himself off emotionally from everything because what he was doing was morally wrong, but to even go through what he had to go through is something no one else can even comprehend. Abraham had faith in the future, but God was teaching him day to day faith.
Sometimes I wonder why I go through the things I do. I have faith in my future, I know that God has plans for me and its going to be wonderful, but as a college student, I hope I don't take the wrong step in the wrong direction. I need to have faith that God will guide me there. Yeah I have done a lot of mistakes and if I told people they would shun me out as a sinner (which everyone is), but through those things God helped me have faith, even when I think I take the wrong steps, it is a step closer to his ultimate plan.
Side note - read Kierkegaard's "Fear and Trembling" really good!
I'm outs



So I'm a bit confused about something and I was hoping that you might be able to help me figure this out. I have heard that no man can do good apart from God, which I can see why some people would say that because we all have selfish desires; however, those same people say that God is in control of everything, meaning we are all (believers and non believers) living life how God planned it to be. So my question is, if we cannot do good apart from God, but everything we do is in His plans, hence glorifying Him, then doesn't it mean that we are in some way doing good by being in His will? Maybe this is a very simple question, but I'm just still a bit confused and I was wondering if someone can clarify for me. Thanks!
I'm outs