Do you want to know what I struggle with?

We all have these different struggles in our lives be it cussing, pornography, trust, sex before marriage whatever it may be. I think what I struggle with the most is actually being a Christian. Not that I don't believe in God or what Jesus Christ did for me on the cross, I truly believe in God and His magnificent works, but the world seems so eager to please me.
Before I even started college, life was good to me, God blessed me in many different ways that I didn't see it necessary or even want to give in to the world. I did the most dumbest thing when I started college, I let my guard down. That armor we're supposed to be wearing I saw it too heavy to carry and dropped some really important things that I need. Ephesians 6:10-18.
I dropped my guard and now I have to pick myself back up again. Pick up my armor. It's heavy, I'm not going to lie, but I have to look forward to the prize and I think I lost sight of that. I became proud and thanked God for giving me so many blessings when i should have been humble. Kind of like King David. He defeated so many countries that when the War of Kings came along he was too proud to go. And there goes his guard, it drops, and he commits adultery.
I was setting up Risk just the other day and the board was backwards to me, I was on top of the world. And a thought occurred to me, when I'm on top of the world you see everything backwards, if your at the bottom you see everything right side up. "Wow sounds so theological", but its not, its true. It does look nice in the valley for a reason with all the life and trees surrounding, the streams surrounding, it seems logical that life happens and grows at the bottom. I hope this was some food for thought. Sorry for not blogging enough this month.
And just to be a reminder that this is for all God's glory so please don't praise me for my writing, its nice, but I wouldn't be writing if it wasn't for God and His awesomeness and His goodness and holiness and everything that He is. I'm outs.



So this past week I received something in the mail from my school from a "club" pursay that welcomes new students to the school, Welcome Week. Anyway, this past week I received a letter from one of the leaders of Welcome Week and I thought it should take up one of my blogs. I hope you enjoy.

Hey Fish leaders and Navigators
I hope you guys are having a very relaxing summer. please know that you are missed this summer here at PBA! Let me (Jon) begin by telling you about my summer. My summer has been packed full. I have been working in a new ministry called Revolution ministries which reaches out to Belle Glade. Belle Glade is about an hour from West palm Beach. It is one of the poorest cities in Florida and the nation. It has the highest occurrence of HIV/AIDS in America, while 7 out of 10 homes do not pass Health Inspections. I have been working with the youth in different ways doing service projects, youth groups and discipleship ministries. The one thing that bothers me is the sense of hopelessness these children have. One of the boys I disciple, age 13, had been absent for about 2 weeks, he came recently and i was catching up on what had been going on in his life. His father left their family with no source of income, and this teen joined a gang. He actually joined one of the worst gangs in town and I asked him why he wanted to be in a gang. His response was "I just wanted to feel like I belonged." Just like this boy, many of our students want to belong somewhere so they join the Cripps, the Bloods, or the True Haitian soldiers. We belong to the Body of Christ and we need to show that through our service. If we genuinely serve, we will add new members to the Body of Christ. I have seen a lot of students in this area come to know Christ.

Then Jon goes on with things about Welcome Week and how this pertains to welcome week, but the moral of me bringing this letter out there is the truth behind it. How I sometimes just want to belong and do things that I never dreamed of doing. Thank God I have never been put to that situation, but it makes me think on what kind of difference I can make if I just accept people for who they are and love them just like God loves us. Thanks Jon for your letter. I'm outs.


Scars of a frigntened teenager

What makes me angry is the fact that some people think they can just run away from their problems and not face them. Be it whatever it is. Marriages failing because there isn't any communication or trust or too tired or whatever it may be. My parents got a divorce because my dad couldn't freaking handle my mom anymore. My dad and step mom are getting divorced because she stopped communicating with my dad. Divorces left and right. And then people wonder why young adults and teens are more likely to have sex rather than get married. Its scary to think that you share this life with one person and then they up and leave you. What bothers me is I try to figure out what is going on through the head of the person leaving. I can't understand why one would do that, unless of course their beating you up. I think its just selfish. Because not only does the spouse get screwed over but the kids too and little cousins, nieces, nephews, little brothers and sisters.
I get scared. I'm deathly afraid of marriage or getting too close. With my boyfriend, I can't help but still wonder. He knows that and he tries to help me, but its a scar thats deep and stays. I think that is why I get so attached with people, try to be there for people. My sister too, though we hate on each other lots of times. When someone becomes my friend I try to be there for that person because I hope that they will be there for me too. Kind of like a family, but I'm not comparing it to my blood family, but to a bonding family that sticks closer than blood. A David and Jonathon kind of family.
This is love. No not a love that you feel, but a love that stays even when you don't feel it. What is that kind of love? Enduring, Everlasting, Never Failing. Only through Christ can one understand that kind of love. I've been in a pile of crap because of my sin and its been hard to listen to what people have to say and its been hard for God to move through me. I have this thing that makes me detached from life. I don't want to be apart, but a part of people's lives. So whenever I feel I'm going to fail, I have someone to catch me. And though I have this scar I know not to make the same mistakes. And though I make mistakes I have a God that will always carry me through. I'm outs.


Sex before marriage?

So I've been asking different types, kinds of people their opinion about sex before marriage. Some people say to wait till you do get married, some people say that the bible is in the past and some of the things are irrelevant, some people say if you love them might as well do it, and some people say do whatever you want.
Well to those who say do whatever you want do not think about the consequences.
Those who say if you love them might as well do it, well what does love really mean to you? Is it just someone that you trust or someone you see your life going somewhere with? If its someone that you trust, thats good, but it needs to go beyond trust. If you see your life going somewhere with that person then might as well wait just in case something does occur that obscures it.
Those who say that the bible is irrelevant today are being dumb. The things God says are not stuck in a time period. He is omnipresent, He does not live in the world of time, John 1:1 says, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." So if the Bible is irrelevant that means that God is irrelevant and He is not, He is what keeps us together, keeps us living, keeps the universe from falling apart.
For those who say just wait till marriage have a point. Once someone has sex they have that intimacy that should be kept in a marriage. They become one body.
So for those Christians who are questioning about having sex before marriage, don't do it. God said it for a reason, He wants us to live peaceful, fulfilling lives for Him and why shouldn't we? He gave up His life for us so that we may be with Him forever. Anyway, I'm outs