Long Weekend

How I wish this past weekend was like any other weekend, nothing special about it. Go to the movies, hang with friends, work, church, the regular things that I do.

I want to runaway
From my everyday
Responsibilities of life.
To forget would be such
A blessing.

"Is there anything to do?"
I ask with eagerness.
To keep my mind occupied
would be such a blessing.

Oh to think, to let
My mind wander,
What a curse!

How I wish people would just leave me alone on things that I care little for anymore. This weekend will forever be in my mind and I don't need anyone to remind me of it, I need no one to ask questions.

How I want to scream
And not feel the strain.
How I want to feel, but
Not feel attached.
I want to run, but
Not feel tired.
I want to forget, but
It always keep coming
Back to mind.
Such torture of the body
To my weak heart.

I wish people could just understand, but I've come to the realization that no one will ever understand, only God.
Psalm 139:1 "O LORD, you have searched me and you know me." Verse 15"My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth."
Psalm 141:8, "But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign LORD; in you I take refuge - do not give me over to death.
Psalm 142:1-2, "I cry aloud to the LORD; I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble."

I have such turmoil within me, and I do not wish to bring misery upon others.

Some of you might be thinking, "then why write this whole blog?" Well I just wanted to show that I'm not the happy go lucky person everyone thinks I am. STOP PUTTING ME IN A BOX! I'm human too. I'm outs.



James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
I think the the thing that makes me get up out of my seat and makes me want to do something is the oppression and poverty occurring in Africa. I think that is where God wants me to go when I become a missionary. The refugees fleeing their homes, the killings, dictatorship, genocides, all of these things just make me want to cry out and help.
How can I help now? pray to God, help donate money when i can, that is all i can do at this moment. But what angers me to the point of screaming and writing all this down is that there are people who have enough money and waste it on things of this world when they could invest it in people that are worth so much more than anything in this world. Every person is a "one of a kind." If a friend of mine dies nothing will be able to replace them, if a child dies because of lack of food, aids, disease, natural disaster, nothing will be able to replace that one child.
What angers me too is the fact that some churches waste, WASTE money on trying to build a beautiful church or use it on something that will not glorify God in any way. I think what glorifies God the most is when someone obeys His word, when someone gives a helping hand for the kingdom of God. There is a festival in heaven when someone truly gives up their life for Christ. I think every denomination of Christianity should put all their beliefs aside and work TOGETHER, like one body. Christ says that he is the head, so we should focus on him and put our feelings aside, their are things much more important than our beliefs, it is God's glory that is most important.
I have also heard that there are food competitions in which that millions of dollars are used in food and prizes, how ridiculous!! How absurd, it's appalling. All that money and food can be given to those in other countries in NEED of food. we waste it like it was nothing.
I am blabbering, no one will do anything. People choose to be IGNORANT. Ignorance is a bliss, but to the one that chooses to be ignorant, not to the one that is in NEED of help. I'm outs



When I was in my early teens I used to stay up late, read blogs, get into my bible, write stuff down. I think it used to be the best time for my best thinking. I might start doing that again. Anyway, this morning I read a blog and it got me thinking more about evangelism and love.
I think of evangelism as someone standing on top of a chair or in the middle of a bus and preaching to people about the gospel. Yeah it works, but not every time. I thought of once standing in the middle of the train and preaching, but I shied away.
I have a friend of mine from high school that did something that really got to me. She went to the lesbian wall, sat down, and hung out with them. She isn't a lesbian, she's a Christian, she loved them. I don't mean any kind of love, but she loved them like Christ loves them. The lesbians at the wall kindly welcomed her, they welcomed her thoughts, they respected her because she did not condemn them like other Christians do. I don't know if any of the girls at the wall accepted Christ, but I think my friend brought them one step closer to accepting Christ.
I hate being labeled, I think that is one of my biggest fears, being kept in a box (figuratively.) Being called a Christian puts me in a box. I'm not saying that the label Christian is bad, I like being called a Christ follower, but then it comes with all the terms that come attached to it: Judgmental, hypocrite, secluded, stuck-up, whatever other label you may have heard. It sickens me when I hear Christians condemning a certain group of people. That makes me entirely upset. In the bible Jesus gives us two commands that sums up the Ten Commandments, "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself." God commands us to love everyone, maybe thats the best evangelism we can give.
If you know my story you know that I drank and went to parties back in high school, I didn't get drunk, but I was present. I have a Christian friend that told me that I shouldn't go to these parties, people would associate me with them. I didn't care, one of my friends that I have known for about 7 years went to these parties, she is not a Christian, and so I needed to make sure that she got home alright, I needed to make sure no one would take advantage of her. I have gotten in trouble for staying out late with my buddies, but it didn't matter to me as long as my friends were okay. I'm not trying to right my wrong, my lifestyle was not healthy and it was not right, so I do not encourage anyone to party and drink.
I think the best way for bringing people to Christ is just being there for them, loving them like God loves us. The world does not comprehend God's love and so will ask and that'll be our time to share.
Anyway read my friend's blog that i read this morning, it's better than what I have written. Be blessed and bless others. I'm outs.


Death through Adam, Life through Chist

Romans 5:12-21
So I'm not going to put the whole passage, that will be way too long, but I want to zone in one verse that has been bothering me today.
v. 18 "Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men."
Through Adam all of us sin and "fall short", but then through Christ all have become holy for those who believe in Him.
I can't help but think of the worst torture that Christ must have gone through. It must have been really terrible because he died for ALL who believe in him. He went through torture, name calling, carrying himself to his own death, a crown of thorns put upon his head, his garments being gambled, his friends just watching, nails in his hands and feet, his shoulders going in and out of place every time he breathed, and I can keep going on. The worst possible torture I can think of. But what really bothers me is that he did it willingly! He went through the worst, so that his children may one day go to heaven and be with Him. What grace!
And if you go into the next chapter, Romans 6 it says "...that we should no longer be slaves to sin- because anyone who has died has been freed from sin." I can't help but hate myself. I have been freed from my chains of sin yet I keep wanting to go back. Like the Hebrews being in the desert, they wanted to go back to Egypt over and over again, though they went through the worst labor there. God provided, He did not fail them, yet they wanted to go back. I am just like them. I see myself slowly going back to sin.
Right now I'm reading over Psalms and I see David cry out to God over and over, "Save me, O God..." and "Hasten O God to save me:..." through his trials he asks God to help Him and he sings praise to God.
Oh how I wished I was like David, a woman after God's own heart.
I can't help but keep wondering why God is so good to us.
Psalm 69:6 "May those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me, O LORD, the LORD Almighty; may those who seek you not be put to shame because of me, O LORD of Israel."
God knows my sin, He knows those thoughts that pass through my head. People may see me and think, now there goes a girl who is on the right path, but God sees my heart and knows that I fall so many times. I hate that i fall, I hate that my flesh still desires, I hate that i fall short. But I love that I have a Father that loves me SO much, I have a King who willingly died for my life, He is the friend that will never fail me.
GOD IS SO GOOD!! I want to shout it out, I want to run in the streets, I want to tell all my friends, but I can't. Why can't I? I don't know, my body is lazy, my voice fails, I am peer pressured to conform. God should not take me into consideration, He should look away from me. I am a disgusting creature, I am one who hears, but does not tell. I am the one that that has the cure but does not tell those who need it.
God look away from me, I am not worthy, you are so Holy and so righteous, I am not worthy. LORD over all, take pity for I am needy. You use me and I take credit, I am prideful, I deserve none of your grace, yet you give me all of Your love. My heart beats and my mind can not grasp or even express how much I am Thankful, You have been so good to me. Take all the glory, only you deserve it.
Sorry, this is getting way complicated. I'm outs.


God is bigger

"Don't become caught up in telling God all of your problems, let your problems know who your God is."

It's true, I've been completely bored, and I can't help but blog almost everyday.
Well I found the quote above at a friend's facebook and I really liked it. Sometimes I can't help but think about what I talk to God about. Usually I follow the format that Jesus gave to his disciples, but of course I don't follow it completely. Anyway, usually I tell God that I'm sorry about this sin or that sin. I tell God about the goods and bads. But I never think about telling my sins or the goods and bads who God is.
Say I have a problem with lying, I could ask God to forgive me for lying, but what would that do, I confessed, but did I tell my lies that God is a righteous God and does not accept lying because He is so holy? Sounds kind of dumb, but who should be our biggest accountability? Ourselves. At least, for all i know, I am the harshest on myself. But how about you?
Anyway, I encourage you to tell your problems who your God is. God is bigger than our everyday problems, He is bigger than our decisions. I'm not saying that what you are going through is nothing, God uses those things that you do and those things that come, to form you, mold you, I encourage you to take it. If you are not growing then you are dying.
Don't put God in a box, put your problems in a box. I'm outs



So I'm not the biggest fan of traditional music. Give me some rock, a great drummer and a great guitarist and I'll be happy. Well when I had started college, I had the chance to find a friend, Ivan, from back home, Miami. Well he invited me to go to chapel with him and I was like sure, but he went to Thursday chapel, traditional church style. After that chapel, I was somewhat upset, I didn't like the music. Ivan and I talked about it after chapel. He told me that it is more on God's glorification rather than our love for God. Traditional music seeks to glorify God and not just write a song where one can put their girlfriend's name in the song instead of God's. I contemplated upon this, but i kind of let it go. I like my rock, fast-paced music.
Well my second semester the band was with new faces and new music. The "worship leader," if one can call it that, kept playing contemporary hymns. Usually slow and more guitar. I was kind of upset at this new change. But whatever, I usually can move on. But as time progressed, my anger grew. Late in the semester, I was finally asked to write an argument paper for my Composition class. I wrote on church entertainment. Well during the process of writing the paper, I went to the school pastor to ask him a few questions. As I listened to his thoughts on church entertainment, he discussed the topic of music and how its been for entertainment than really the glorification of God. I contemplated on his thought and moved on to listen to what more he had to say about the topic of church entertainment. Well after I had the interview, I kept thinking about what he said.
Ivan was/is correct. I still can't really get into the really traditional music with the old hymns and stuff, but I am totally more into the contemporary hymns today. It's not about me feeling good after singing, but worshiping God, usually the feeling good does come, but we should still glorify God even when we don't want to. I'm not saying there aren't contemporary music that glorifies God, but its rare.
What do you think? I'm outs


It was over

It is empty and
I can not fill it.

Where is it?
I am thirsty,
fill this cup please.

Two cups,
one will kill me and
the other will satisfy me.

How do I choose?
They both look delicious.


Does God cause people to die, caused by tsunamis, cyclones, hurricanes, aids, diseases, and the list goes on? Is God being judgmental? Does He want to wipe out those who do not believe in Him?

I think it is quite a touchy subject, but let me question this, who are we to know God’s mind? I’m not saying God caused or does not stop disasters from happening, but people do die.

Does not the world groan anyway too? When man sinned didn’t the whole world have to suffer? Maybe the earth is just groaning and trying to release itself from the sin.

So all I have to say is, before you question God and his mightiness, do you attempt to help those in need?
James 1:27 “Religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted from the world.”

So are you helping those in need?

I’m too busy. I don’t have enough money. I’m just one person, how much could I do? They’ll die eventually.
These are just some excuses that are the common ones, there are probably some more, but I don’t know them.

I think one can trust me with this, if you want to help people there are a bunch of organizations that you can volunteer, or if you don’t have time, you can donate. And there is an old Chinese saying that a thousand mile journey starts with the first step. So every one person does count. And they will die one day, but it doesn’t mean they should die in disaster when all seems lost, you can be a light in a dark world.

So to go back to the first question, why does God let things happen? Well God has plans that are bigger than you and me, they are bigger than disasters, and they are bigger than this world.
“People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.”

So don't question God, He has bigger plans than our mind can handle. I'm outs


Prominent and Preeminent

A few weeks ago, maybe even 2 months ago, I sat down t at chapel in school and waited for another boring sermon. I remember seeing Jesse on the other side of chapel and seeing a cute baseball guy sitting behind him. I remember texting Jesse and asking about him. But of course Jesse being the big brother said he’s not good for you. I asked him about other baseball guys and he said their either dumb or not a Christian, so I let it pass. Well once music ended and the sermon started Pastor Bernie gave us the passage to go to, which I don’t recall at the moment, and started speaking. He started talking about how sometimes people tell us that God should be number one, kind of like a list. I didn’t think that was bad, I was like yeah God is number one and then having one of those number one fingers. But then he said that is wrong, I was like whoa, whoa, whoa, what did he just say? Did he just say God being number one is wrong? Well he continued on and said God shouldn’t just be number one like a list, but number one in our friends and our family, relationships, school, work, and the list goes on. I’ve heard of having a Christ-centered relationship but I guess I never knew what that meant until that day. Pastor Bernie went on to say that God shouldn’t be prominent, God should be preeminent. I used to just tell God about my day and pray for people, but I never made it a point to include God in my day, include God in my relationships. I would just tell God about it. So to go back to the beginning of this story, I didn't include God in my way of "mating" I kept God in the box. I didn't want to wait for God to bring me someone, I didn't want to include God. But once I heard Bernie speak, I understood that God was talking to me. I understood God was knocking in my head telling me, have patience, I have it all planned.

So I want to challenge you. Is God just prominent or is He Preeminent?

Are you including God in your everyday activities or are you keeping Him in a box where you open a hole and tell Him what happened?

Ask yourself and just don’t make it a thing where you’re just thinking about it, I encourage you to actually make it a part of your lifestyle.

Anyway, I’m outs.


My theory, my proposition

As Darwin and Freud had the chance to express their intellectual knowledge to the world I would also like to express my own as well. As I observe people and as I observe history, nothing changes unless some radical chooses to express his thoughts to the world. People are usually very serene with where they are at, which comes to my proposition, people are imitators of society. Yes applaud me, I have come up with the answer to the one question every one has been asking, "what is the meaning to life?"
Some of you might be angry at this thought. "No I am not imitating society, I do what i like." Yes even I have said the same thing, but is not our mind just a reflection of what society has shown us. To give an example I will give the famous Darwin the stage. He has proposed the idea of evolution. Well as we look back into history, back into the society he was brought in, anyone can see that society had its circles. The poor were looked down upon, as the rich were given respect. The strong survive. The environment rejected the poor, who cares about them anyway? God had some divine plan, oh wait there is no God, according to Nietche, God is dead. We were brought up by some intervention, we evolved to live according to our environment, but wouldn't that mean that the rest of the animals should be dead?
To show some light to my theory, people are just reflecting society. In the bible it says to not be part of the world, but live in it. The radicals I talked about saw something wrong with society. Darwin, Freud, Nietche, are not the radicals that i am speaking of, they reflect what was occurring in society, but the radicals are Thomas Aquinas, John Wycliffe, Martin Luther, Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, and the list goes on. They saw something that wasn't right and did something about it, though opposition came and persecution were thrust upon most of these individuals they persevered.
So for those who believe in Darwinism, Freudian theory, in Nietche, those who believe in anything with -ism in it look at the society and time period they were in, does it reflect society or is it radical? And just to show you I'm not a hypocrite I look at the society of the people in the bible, and just to tell you, they were pretty radical themselves, going against what the scribes, pharisees, and high church positions said was a big no no. People were jailed, chained, stoned, cut in half, were cast off from society. So I looked into the history of Christianity and not Christianity why don't you do the same?
Yes I know that Darwin was looked down upon for his thoughts and I know some people probably looked down upon Freud and Nietche, but it goes to show you, society rejects itself at times. It makes them look at their own lives and make them hate themselves, which quiet frankly angers people. Or people just might be ignorant and goes along with what everyone else says.
Thank you for your time, I hope I have enlightened you with my theory. I'm outs


Youth group

So I finally went to Youth group at my church at MBC tonight. I think I haven't been there since last summer, how i miss it. Well a lot of new things, NEW FACES, and I hate to say it, but I think I've outgrown it! Like it would be cool if people actually knew what they were singing and listening to, but no, some of the middle schoolers are just in lala land, even high schoolers. I think they get so hyped up at the whole ska dancing, loud music, and craziness that they don't see the real picture. Maybe I might be wrong, i did come at a time where P. Dave was having his going away party from the youth, but it seems like they were missing the big picture on why they were at church, its to praise God. P. Dave is the cooliest, but God is so much cooler. And if P. Dave read my blogs he would totally agree. P. Dave's last words to the youth group was about Jesus, that is one thing I so admire about P. Dave, he doesn't mean to be humble, God is just so great and awesome we can't do anything but be humble and submit to his awesomeness.
Like I was in the shoes of the middle schoolers once. I was so immature! Like I should be patient, I even prayed to God to give me patience while I was there, i just can't seem to try and go back to where i once was young and naive. I still am somewhat naive, but at least i know it. I don't know, I should at least praise God for the fact that they are at church and not trying to be cool and going to parties. God will mold them, He did it to me. I guess all i can do is pray for the youth and for those who go to MBC, i ask for you guys to pray for them too. Anyway, I'm hungry so I'm outs.