Coming Home

There is always a good and bad when coming back home after a long time. The good part of coming back home is the feeling of being accepted because these are the people I grew up with. I remember all the good old times and meet with good old friends and it feels like nothing has changed. The bad part about coming home is that some of the bad habits that I threw away come back. I get back into the habit of my old ways and I start to hate it, I start to hate coming back home, and I start to grow more apart from my friends that I grew up with. It's quite a dilemma. Any thoughts? I'm outs

Stupid Grammar

So I'm a HORRIBLE writer!!! I think I have good topics and such, but my grammar and way of writing just sucks!! As I write this blog, I'm afraid that I might have a million grammar issues already. Most of my professor's have commented on my writing, they all say I'm smart, but my grammar is just appalling. I have to do something about this. How am I supposed to be an amazing history major but have crappy writing? I can't wait to take my Writing about Literature next semester, I will have the most amazing English professor, Dr. Elmore, and I really hope that she can help me. I will totally go to tutoring or another class just to be better. It really hurts my grades especially in my honors classes and history classes. Anyway, I just want to ask you guys, my faithful readers, to correct my grammar in these blogs! I am disgusted and I am incredibly sad that I had no idea my grammar was bad. And to give some moral to this story, sometimes when were surrounded by the same people we won't notice our mistakes, but as we branch out to unknown territories like college, our mistakes are noticed and we just need to hope that someone will tell us our mistakes so we can correct them or learn from them. I'm outs.

Uncompromising, Loving, and Prayer

Christians have been persecuted since the beginning of Christianity. The Jews could not tolerate us and neither could the rest of the world. I think the people that were Christians at that time were clearly true, they chose to stand out and be killed because of the truth. When Constantine became King in the 300's I think that's when Christianity started its downfall from truth to theology. I'm not saying that theology is bad, I think it helps some people come to the faith, but I think that we can get so caught up into theology that we forget that even if I were an Armenian and my friend is a Calvinist we still both have Jesus Christ as our LORD and Savior. He loves us. That being a side note, I think in today's world we, as Christians, have become so compromising in our beliefs or even too radical. Some people have been compromising in the fact that they go along with culture, the Bible is not with us culturally anymore, it's not a living book is what I hear from some people and I know that is not true because in John 1:1 it says, "In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God." So to say that the Bible doesn't understand us today is to say that God does not understand us. And now to go to the opposite end of the spectrum, the radicals. Yeah I understand God sees homosexuality as a sin, but it doesn't mean that we should hate or even ignore those who take on that lifestyle or even accept it. We should love them, but be firm and PRAY! We are not a people of prayer anymore. The people in Acts 2 prayed for everything and God provided to their every need. We have been so used to providing things ourselves that we don't pray to God for our necessities like food, shelter, and clothing. Anyway, this might seem all discombobulated, but be a people of prayer, uncompromising, and loving. I'm not saying I do these things all the time, I have the hardest time trying not to compromise, but I want to encourage you guys out there to be a people of God. I'm outs.

Wishing it was just a movie or book

There are times in our lives where we wish we could be someone else or be somewhere else. I might not be the only one, but I think I've always never wanted to be me. I always stuck myself into movies and books because it brought me to a new world. I thought I was the character, but not only because I would be that someone else, but I know that at the end of the movie it's not real. Sometimes i just wish my life was just a movie, it'll end eventually in a few hours. I don't know if I'm pushing any buttons out there, but I just wanted to share that your not alone... I remember when i was a little girl I wished my life would be dramatic, or not all that "nice." I think that's the worst wish I ever made, I guess I just wanted to have my life to be screwed up so at the end I would have someone to make it all better and sweep me off my feet. Sounds girly... I just want to be out of this body already, too much hurt and pain. I don't understand how God loves us. We are so screwed up most of the time, I don't even think we should have any mercy, we're disgusting, but I guess we all need someone to make everything better and maybe not in the way we think is better. I'm just rambling now... I'm outs.

Perseverance

I used to read Psalm 139 with such happiness because at least I knew God understands me, He made me. But at the end of the Psalm David asks God, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
At least with me, I have the hardest time taking correction. I can hear it, but I have the hardest time doing it. And in these past few months God has been telling me to take things out of my life, and I refused. I wanted to keep them to myself. I told God to let me keep those things, there mine! It seems that when we're supposed to give God our everything, He means EVERYTHING!!! God had to do a lot of things to keep me from those things I wanted. I still desperately want to go back, I cry and argue and I become angry almost all the time. Every morning I just want to go back, but by the middle of the day I'm glad to have my friend, Mandi, keeping me straight and focused.
And it's funny, now that i think about, I've been quoting James chapter 1 to some people a few months ago when I started hearing His voice to start giving up things. James is encouraging us to keep going, to persevere. He says, "consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
God knows us so well. He knows that I need to go through what I'm going through right now to be what He needs me to be. He has to tear down my pride and tear down my priorities. I'm not saying I won't have a problem with this again and I'm not saying this problem is gone. I'm totally still struggling. I cry almost everyday because I hate going through this. It hurts so much, but I know that at the end of this training there will be a race and when I win that race I know that God was in it. I'm trying to be positive here. It's so hard the things we go through, the things we need to give up even if that means friends or loved ones.
There are some days I don't know what I'm doing, I get scared. All seems like a fog. But God is not confusion, He is not the fog, He is the still quite voice that whispers in our ears when we are most terrified and are willing to give up everything to just hear His voice. "Be still and know that I am God." I'm outs

Wait...

The Devil has no control over me, all he can do is put thoughts in my head.
For I no longer am a slave to sin, but a slave to righteousness. I no longer carry my cross alone or for myself, but Jesus Christ carries it with me and I carry it for him who stores my inheritance in an eternal Heaven.
My flesh desires and my spirit is lost in the crowd, but all I can think of is to wait. "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14
It's doesn't say I will feel Him or things will get better or what I want will fall right upon my feet at the moment I want it, but to just wait. His timing is perfect, He is perfect, He is my salvation.
Praise Him for He is always near and will NEVER fail! I'm outs...

Presidential Election

I usually don't write anything about politics, but I think I should... A lot of heat has been moving around between the Republicans and the Democrats. I was trying to figure out why there aren't many you tube videos against McCain but find a lot on Obama. Well I think it's because Obama is probably going to become President. I really think he might, but I'm not endorsing Obama, I'm endorsing McCain. But before you vote for President watch this you tube video about Obama. To tell you the truth Obama scares the crap out of me and I don't think a President that scares people should be President. No offense to McCain, but he looks like he can't a hurt a fly, he's really old... Anyway, watch the video and tell me what you think. I'm outs