I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Sometimes I forget that Christians have ups and downs and when those downs come how I wish they didn't, I feel alone and I tend to push myself away emotionally from people, but I also pull myself towards people just so someone can smack me out of this funk.
I guess sin is what brings me into this funk, but its not a stealing candy or killing an ant kind of thing, but the sin that you want to keep to yourself and you can't even tell your best friend. Yeah you know what I mean. It's that kind of sin that your afraid of. How will my friend react once I tell her? How will they see me after I tell them? Will they judge me? Ahhh how my insides scream for understanding. I went to church tonight and this song really hit home.

Lead me to the cross where your love poured out.
Bring me to my knees Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself I belong to you.
Lord lead me
Lead me to the cross.

Beautiful song.
I'm ask God earnestly for forgiveness, but I know that God forgives me, I think the biggest obstacle is forgiving myself. I try to bring myself to perfection, but when I sin I remember... I'm human. How I wish I could be just wholly God's, get rid of this flesh that holds me back.
I'm outs


Anne Marie said...

man, i LOVE that song. so powerful. His grace is sufficient. and I have yet to tell a good friend and sister in Christ something that made them stop loving me. in fact, I wish we were all a little more transparent on how screwed up we really are. then we could get past it and focus on his sufficiency, not our own shortcomings and failures.

Anonymous said...

I read this great quote when I was feeling like that once. "You are no surprise to God." I mean think about it, he knows everything we've ever done and ever will do, he knows our thoughts, the number of hairs on our head, and he still chose to die for us.

I get so much comfort from that, and a lot of peace about who I am. He made me this way, of course he knows I'm gonna slip up. And he doesn't mind that. :)