I need to focus.

In my new life I've gone through many changes, some good and many bad. When I accepted Christ as my LORD and Savior, my whole life had new meaning. Then I got my first boyfriend and life seemed perfect, he wasn't a Christian, but I had Jesus, i was fine by myself or so I thought. When he broke up with me I thought life was a disaster. My Junior year in high school I joined a group of friends in band. We were considered the "cool group" just because we associated ourselves in parties and we were close friends with the guard and drummers. I went to parties, drank, and still I thought I was fine with Christ. For many of those months I didn't cry, I became what people wanted me to be, I was part of the norm. Then I couldn't handle it anymore, I was becoming depressed, if I wasn't depressed already and I went back to church. I went to the spring retreat, associated myself back with Christian friends, and stopped doing marching band. I even went on a missions trip over the summer, I became an active church member. Then my senior year I became a hypocrite, I went to church on Sundays dancing with the kids, but the night before I would be at parties again and drinking yet again. I didn't turn away completely from my past life. This past summer has been a sort of transformation. I did much crying, I then gave my controlling self to Christ yet again. I didn't want to control it anymore. Since college has started life has become more at ease, nothing uncomfortable. But lately I've become unfocused, doing stuff more out of tradition then doing it because it was important to me. I don't know why but last night while I was at service I remembered a dream I had about me singing to blue birds. The pastor had mentioned birds and it just became a flashback. He said the LORD can give us a voice as beautiful as a bird, but the LORD, in my dream, gave me a voice more beautiful than a bird. If I lose my job, get F's in all my classes, lose all my friends, get stuck in traffic, I'm going to Heaven anyway. I shouldn't let things distract me or let things out of my control wear me out, I'm going to Heaven and all this will just be a bad dream. I'm going to Heaven! I need to focus on heavenly things, I need to surround myself with good Christian influence, I need to focus on what God wants of me rather than what people want from me. God wants you to focus on the long run, not the short run of things. Watch the video I posted in my last post, hopefully it'll soften your heart about my hypocrite lifestyle. Well I'm out.

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