A letter

Father,
I can't bring myself to be dependent on others... I can't bring myself to be completely dependent on You.
I desire to be cared for, but yet I desire to live my own life.
I don't accept charity when it is givin... yet you give me all that I need and want. I want it.. I want it all, but I keep myself from it.
My heart feels burdened... I want it gone, but yet i refuse to lay it on your shoulders.
My mind is in a traffic jam.. I want it to be free, yet I refuse to tell you my intimate thoughts.
My life is boring... I want adventure, yet I can't let go of my convenient life.
Change me, mold me, transform me from what I was taught as a child. I don't want to be Ms. Independent, I don't want to be alone, I don't want convenience.
Please keep your eyes from my past mistakes, my present mistakes, and my future mistakes. Love me, delight in my good, carry me, save me.
Lift this stench that i carry, I don't want it, I don't need it, it keeps me awake at night, and when I take a shower it still comes back. I don't want to take any more showers, I want to be cleaned from this stench forever more.
Psalm 27:8 "My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, Lord, I will seek."
And I won't stop looking until I find it.

Your beloved Child,
...