Lost touch

Lately I've felt uninspired.
My hand writes nonsense
While my brain is fried.

I've lost touch with
The one I love, and
All seems lost.

My heart thumps, my blood
passes through my veins,
Yet I feel no life within me.

I know Your not gone,
But I seem lost.
What to do?

Silent Day

Do you know how difficult it is to not talk for a day? Like I could stand not talking for a day, being silent day or not, but I love to communicate with people. My friends made it a joke with me for not talking, I could stand that, but then when I was in class and the professor asked a question that I knew and no one else didn't, it was frustrating. I had to write it down and the girl next to me, Lizzy, shouted the answers for me.
Also, not speaking for a whole day made me realize how much communication is important. Yeah I joke around with my friends, but when it came to something important I had to resist myself, I had to keep tape over my mouth in class, but not with my friends.
I bet by now your wondering why I did stay silent for a day. Well today is silent day, where people around the nation stand together and stay silent because of those who are being silenced everyday by abortion. It helped me realize how much they are important, how, if they lived, they would have contributed to society.
"I'm a child not a choice" was placed upon the flyer that I had to pass around. How true that statement is. They are a child, maybe not fully made in the belly of the mother, but will soon be. They are not your choice to live or die, if you choose to not care for them, I know plenty of people that are willing to adopt babies. If you had them by accident that is still no excuse. I'm a bastard child, my parents weren't even married when i was born, they got married a few months after I was born.
I'm not being prideful or anything, but I'm pretty sure I've affected every person that I've come into contact with directly and indirectly. And I know that every child that was aborted would have affected us all one way or another.
If your thinking about having an abortion, don't. I have a cousin that would do anything to have a child of her own, but she will never be able to. She'll adopt your kid, anybody that loves kids and can't have any will love to have that child. Don't do it, that is my advice. Well I'm out.

"If you love me then you will obey me"

"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway."

I saw this quote awhile ago and yet I still always look back to it. It helps remind me to look toward heavenly treasure instead of earthly treasures.
Another quote that i just came across, this one from Pascal is "The heart has reason, that reason does not know." He was referring to God. He had faith for some reason that he could not comprehend through reason. And to tell you a little about him he was part of the Scientific Revolution, a mathematician and philosopher.
For some reason I am a christian even though the life I lived did not show a christian lifestyle. For some reason God revealed Himself to me. In Romans 8:28-39 God called us, He called me. "Those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; and those He justified, He also glorified." He called us because He knew we would love Him and it says in the bible that "If you love Me, then you will obey Me." I love my God and I'll go to the ends of the earth for Him.
One thing that happened to me today was an epiphany. During FYE the Missions Director at my University came to my class to give a presentation on Missions. From beginning to end I felt my heart tugging telling me "you're going to be out there" I've always known my heart was for missions in another country, I've known this since I was 14. But now I have just started to realize that its not a dream, this is for real. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me after college, I'm not making any more plans, I'm going with the flow of what God has in plan for me. Hopefully I'll get to see P. Dave in the missions field with his family, that'll be cool. And I got to hear a missionary speak at chapel last week, I hope I get to see him again soon, I'll figure out his name tomorrow. Anyway, I'm out.

Blood Diamond

Before I used to think that any movie Leonardo Di Caprio was in was going to be either a sex movie or some Chick flick. Well after watching Blood Diamond I take that thought back. Even though the movie curses a lot and the main idea of the movie has to do with a diamond, it has so much more to it.
I didn't want to start off this post with what i did start off with, but I don't want to scare off people from reading this.
What pisses me off about America and other developed countries is that the people are so stuck into their everyday "stresses" and "depressions" that I think they're missing the big picture of this world. Not a lot of us will be remembered once we die, and if we are it's just in a history book that students don't even care about. There's so much bad stuff happening around the world that we don't even take the time and give them a hand. Who cares if a meeting was missed or you lose some money helping someone out. We're all eventually going to die, aren't we? I've yet to hear that someone has surpassed death w/ the exception of Jesus Christ who did die and then rose again. No one is immortal, so why don't we die fighting the GOOD fight? Why don't we just leave all this material desires aside and help someone that is truly in need.
What i thought was truly cannibal was when i heard that the US itself does food eating contests and waste so much money on it that, instead, they could just use it to send the food to places like Africa and Asia, and the rest of the Americas.
We have become a society of entertainment, "if it makes me feel good then it's all good." No, no, if it made me feel good to kill someone whom I disliked, what that be good? No that would be chaotic!
What I'm trying to say is that knowing and sending money isn't enough to help those in need. If I were depressed because my father died, money and you knowing would not be enough for me. Being there and holding me up to make sure I won't fall would be the world to me.
When I went to Guatemala, just being there and loving those kids meant the world to them. They had no money to send me there and no way of paying me back but I chose to be there and use my resources to help them, knowing I will not receive anything in return. Did I change the world? Nope, not even close, but did I change someone's life? Yeah i think so.
I'm not telling you guys to go on a mission trip and that will help you be less depressed. Actually I think it will bring more burden on your heart, but I'm asking you to not be ignorant and do something about those less unfortunate than ourselves. Go and fight the GOOD Fight, like it says in the bible.
I recommend watching Blood Diamond. I'm out.

Simplicity

I'm taking a break from studying right now, so to make my break worthy, I decided to write something.
Have you ever wished to be a little kid again, I have. Those good times where I didn't care what I wore, how my hair was done, payments, school. All i cared about was food and having a good time. How i wish to go back to those times where i had to climb the kitchen cabinets to get to the cups for a drink of water. My biggest worry was a rainy day where i couldn't go outside to play.
I love the simplicity of things now, I'm in total awe of it sometimes. The sound of the wind, the laughter of friends, the crashing of waves. Everything has become so complex, people having ulterior motives for the things they do instead of just doing it for the person. And figuring out payments for school instead of the game monopoly I used to play. How I miss being a little kid. I guess that's the reason for my immaturity at times. Playing games on people just for a laugh or playing with kids instead of having serious convos with the adults. I would have to say that even though my father is old, he'll never grow up. haha, he still makes fun of my childhood nickname, he still taps the other side of my shoulder thinking that i won't notice. I guess I take after my father a lot. I wouldn't be angry if I ended up like my dad. I remember when I was a little girl how he always had a smile on his face, still does. I remember when i wanted to be an astronaut because i wanted to see the world from a different perspective instead of looking at it through books and pictures. I was always for the moment, no consequences in mind. I miss those times where choice excited me instead of trialed me. I see my little brother, he's so small. His socks are almost the size of my hand, just a little bit smaller. The only things he cries about is food and not being paid attention to. I envy him.
In contrast, I'm glad I'm older. Older people listen to my thoughts instead of chastising it. I can drive, vote, I can reach the cup cabinet. I can choose my own path instead of my parents choosing it for me. I still have fun, I understand concepts better. I'm not ignorant to the world around me. In the bible it says Ignorance is a bliss, which is right, but I choose not to be ignorant and do something about it. Instead of being ignorant and never to be remembered in the future, i choose to know and do something about it, maybe even be remembered. I do miss the simplicities of life as a child, the ignorance that I had, but life is more worthwhile now that I'm older. I have more to lose, but much to gain. I still go back to my childhood ways just to get away from the reality, but being old has its advantages too. Well I'm out.

My political party.

Well I think it's finally time to introduce my political side. But before I do I just want to clarify that i did not choose my political party because of the candidates, but because of what the party stands for.
I am a Democrat. No, I'm pro-life. I believe that babies need a voice, born and unborn. I'm a christian so I don't like the homosexual marriage, but who am I to tell them to not get married. I lie, it's just as much a sin as homosexual marriage. I just don't agree with just making homosexual marriage a fact of life just as I like trustworthy people, I will never condemn a homosexual, but I will never agree with it.
The reason I chose Democrat is because they are in support of the people. Whatever the people want the democrat's will make sure to get it through. Social Security, the depression of the 1930's, and with the Clinton administration of 1992-1999 attempting to pass nation wide insurance for everyone. I'm not saying that the presidents of these times were perfect, they were far from it, but whose to say we're perfect. Some people might say that these presidents were just trying to gain the vote. Duh, that's the point of it. Didn't Hamilton or Jefferson say that the selfishness of the people will benefit all. I don't entirely agree with that statement, but it does show some accuracy to it, at least in the US.
Some people have asked me who would I vote for in the presidency? Well I'm not voting for Clinton. I have two reasons for that. First off, she believes in abortion even after the said date of when you shouldn't. Another reason, it might sound sexist, but it's because she's a woman. I have no problem of a woman becoming a president, but because we are so in tangled with foreign affairs, what makes you think that the Muslim world will be okay with it? They'll see it as another reason they should hate the US even more and give them more of a reason to nuke the US out of existence.
Obama seems like a good guy, but again he has the same standing as Hillary with abortion, but also he has no idea what he's talking about most of the time.
Being a Democrat doesn't mean that if a time comes that I still shouldn't vote Republican. I'll vote republican if it fits my best interest. I might sound disloyal, but no candidate is perfectly Democrat or Republican anyway. I would go more into depth, but I would need to really look into all the candidates before I do. So until next time, I'm out.

L'INGÉNE by Voltaire

'"How is it,' he wanted to know, 'that tears can bring relief? It seems to me they ought to have the opposite effect.'
'My son,' replied the good old man, 'everything inside us is purely physical. Each secretion is good for us, and everything that comforts the body comforts the soul. We are machines made by Providence.'"
I never heard this explanation between physical and emotional self.
Lately I've just been feeling stressed. Kind of like a weight put upon my chest and I can't seem to lift it off. In the book, the Child of Nature, who had cried, was crying over the fact that he wasn't allowed to marry his godmother, no relation. And when he cried he felt relieved. The thing is, i don't know why this weight has been placed upon my chest. Maybe over the loss of Eddie, I think that is when it started. I wasn't able to cry because i felt out of place. But I really doubt it has to do with that, maybe it does, but not the entire reason for me feeling like this. I just want a good cry, but I can't seem to make myself cry.
No, it has nothing to do with school, school is going great. I just find myself drifting off into space. I usually stop my studying for a second, so i could just think about it and let it pass, but lately it has been just looking into the sky. I like to see the clouds pass and the moon, stars, sunrises, and sunsets. It just drifts me away from reality. I hope it doesn't become an addiction. Because once it does become an addiction, I won't be able to concentrate on anything, but it's kind of hard because being outside and just listening to the wind and the crash of the waves just calms me down from this crazy world that we all live in. Maybe I just need a vacation. That is probably what I'll do, just walk into a forest and camp out there for two days, that would be nice.
God rested on the seventh day, if God rested, then that gives more of a reason that i should rest too. Hopefully I'll get in a good cry too. Well I'm out.