Sinful lifestyle and faith

God has just shown me how great His wisdom is and how foolish I am.
I wrote about gay rights and about abortion in my last blog, but I forgot to include in my understanding, God's Word. It says somewhere in the Bible, I don't remember where at the moment, that we should not accept the sinful lifestyle of others. What an idiot I can be. So here is my stake in the ground, Marriage is between a man and a woman, no man with a man and no woman with a woman. So there. And with abortion, that's killing a human being, they will one day breath life, so how can anyone say that it is not a living creature. I still believe in pro choice because there is a lot more things attached to that like religion, but I don't believe that abortion is a part of that pro choice because it is murder. I do not condemn you, those who have abortion, if you need help or if your afraid that your boyfriend or father may kill you because of the baby, don't be afraid to ask for help, you always have a choice, but abortion shouldn't be a choice.
Another thing that I wanted to address was my faith. I've been reading lately the book of Acts, trying to get the feel of the early church and what was happening, being a history major and all. Well I kept on reading how apostles like Peter, Paul, Barnabas, and so on just kept preaching in synagogues and in the streets. In my head I'm like "yeah I want to do that, I want to bring people to Christ." Well I felt the Holy Spirit telling me to get up and preach on the train going home. I couldn't get myself up to do it. I was scared about what might happen, they'd probably laugh at me or throw insults at me. I felt so ashamed that i couldn't do it. I felt that God was telling me "Oh you of little faith, why are you so afraid(Matthew 8:26)?" I felt like I was being rebuked. The thing is I do have little faith. I don't leave my life in God's hands, I'm scared.
How will I ever be a missionary? God, I don't know what to do. I've lived this imaginary life for about four years and now reality has hit me. I am so foolish, I want to be called Sophia, but I am not worthy of the name. I want to be wise, not only knowing, but doing. I do not want to be of little faith. God I'm sorry I failed.
I'm sorry.

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