Struggle

I know I'm not alone on the subject when I say I struggle because I know everyone has their own struggles. I don't know what else to say. I'm struggling right now.
"The heart has reason that reason does not know." My heart knows things, I guess because the Holy Spirit lives within me, within my heart, but I don't understand why my heart is joyful when all i see is the world. I see myself being laughed at, I see couples making googly eyes (being unequally yoked), I see people doing drugs or drinking, and at times I just want to give up and join (of course not the part of being laughed at, but laughing at others.) I don't do it because I know where that will end up, wanting more and never feeling satisfied, but I still want to feel like I'm a part of something. Then I always remember that I am hated because Jesus was hated on first. I will forever be laughed at because of my faith in Jesus, if I give in I'll be a hypocrite because I believe in one thing, but do another. I'm not perfect, not even close, I don't even think I'm perfect. I fail. Without Christ nothing holds together, without God I fail.
I believe in Jesus because I know I fail and I need someone that will lift me up from the valleys. I think being labeled a Christian shouldn't give the idea to non believers that I am or think that I am perfect. Christianity itself tells you to pick up your cross, or in other words die, daily. I don't mean physically, but I mean in a sense to give up who you are, stop any control of your life and give it to Christ because, again, we fail without him, we are nothing without him. We are labeled nothing without him.
Yet I can't pick up my cross and follow him daily. I'm in a struggle within myself to choose from flesh v. rightiousness. It's not that I don't know right from wrong, its just that the wrong seems delicious at times, but it is only decieving me.
I struggle, I'm not perfect, I'm in need of a hand, so I call on Christ.